Yep, I'm back again.  I promised more info and now I'm ready for that.

It has been awhile and I'm ready for an update to my last blogs in Nov and Dec.

I've gotten moved and have been settling in when I can between classes since November.  My daughter and granddaughters, Beetle (5) and Turtle (15 mo.), have gotten moved about two hours away.  It is very hard, especially for Beetle and me but we are coping.  I pick them up on Friday evenings, we meet 1/2 way and they get to stay till Sunday afternoon!  It's better than nothing though it is not the same of living with them.  I feel like my heart has been shredded and torn apart.

But it is not the end of the world and my world has definitely opened up.  Just a couple of weeks ago I was recruited for the McNair Scholars Program -- it looks like I'm going to get my PhD, not just the Masters.  It seems as if my grades, my lack of income, parents with no high school diploma and my social welfare interest is coming in to play here.  They want me.  This program will guide and help me financially in my bachelor's program.  They will take me to colleges with the Masters and PhD interests I have, and they will stipend me in a research project with a Faculty mentor next summer.  They will also pay for all my application and testing fees.  I've been assured that once I publish my research and speak on my research, can you believe me speaking in front of a thousand people, that the Masters and PhD programs will be recruiting me!  It is unbelievable. I guess I just don't accept how smart and able I am.  Anyway, the advisor of this program told me about a PhD program of Policies and Procedures that would go right along with my Masters in Social Work.  Can you imagine me doing research on policies and procedures that would help all the children in our country? 

I talked to my sociology professor about being my faculty mentor, which she was so enthusiastic over and not only would I present my research to the McNair Scholars Program Annual Conference but I would also present at her annual conference.  She even told me she could see me as a great lobbyist!  Wow!  I have this little tiny part of me that thinks I could change how the world treats their children and maybe I'll get the chance!  Can you tell I'm excited???

The down side is I feel like I'm letting my grandchildren down, especially Beetle.  We are so bonded, she wants to live w/me all the time instead of mommy and I would love her all the time, believe me.  I want to be there for her all the time but I want to help all the children who have no one.  I believe my idea of helping children through social work is just a small part of what I can do if I can be a part of shaping future policies of the country.  Wow!  I've got another meeting scheduled with the Professor of this program to discuss what Bachelor's Program I should do.  There are so many options it is very overwhelming right now.

I am a believer that things happen for a reason and I feel I'm going through this turmoil with my daughter and granddaughters because of my passion. I want to help all the abused children in this world and have put that out into the universe.  Now my possibilities are opening up to that.  I never even considered a PhD when I started this process and now it looks like the PhD could spear head me into a place where I could be implemental in law formation for children!  Wow!  I can't believe I just wrote that.

I'm feeling so positive yet so scared that I could actually pull this off.  Lots of things to think about.  Will write again soon.